Why.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

I stumbled upon this quote on Goodreads and unconsciously wrote an email to an old friend. I miss her even though we talked every single day. I miss all of my friends back home. 2 of my best friend’s Dad died this year and I’m not even there to hug, to cry together, even to offer some closure.
It’s been a while since I stepped my foot in here. It’s not like I don’t want to go there, I just.. I don’t know. I don’t even know if I’m supposed to still call it as home.

Yeah, I do, I friggin’ do miss you guys. A lot. It sucks having no one to hug here because they think it’s creepy to hug a girl and it’s called flirting to hug a guy..wtf. I just can’t afford it to go back right now. No, it’s not about the money; it is about being mentally ready to face everybody back home.

Pfft. Did I just call it home again?

Sometimes I just wish God could fly you people here instead of me flying there :( 

“Love is always patient and kind
it is never jealous

Love is never boastful nor conceited
it is never rude or selfish

It does not take offense neither it is resentful

Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins
but delights in the truth

It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope
and to endure whatever comes”

Hell-O

Saying goodbye, hello-hello, now goodbye-goodbye. A word. A word that means “you’re the one I love”. A word that means “I can’t forget you”. A word that means ”come back to me again”. Now, it’s too late.  Did you and i are a truly love?

Listen up! Nobody! There’s no one like you. Eventhough 10 years of time passed there still won’t be anyone like you. That word means ”I’m an idiot to only look at you” and today I want to shout to you. I keep trying to forget you, but I can’t. Until I said that I still love you. A word that means  ”I want to see you”. A word that means “I can’t send you away”. A word that means “please don’t go away”. No, I’m not saying we’re parting and I still love you.

Listen up! I came to say goodbye. Saying that I love you, it made me like a fool. I can’t forget all the times we spent together. Liar, look at me and say, Is it true that you leave me?

Everybody say la-la-la. Everybody say ha-ha-ha. Everybody say ta-ta-ta. And everybody say hello-hello-hello. When I call you, “Hello”. Then you call me, “Goodbye”. We have different sad greetings. Because I love you, hello-hello, no goodbye-goodbye.

Even when you’re far away, you’re still my love. 

It’s one of those things that people say, you can’t move on until you let go of the past. Letting go is the easy part, it’s the moving on that’s painful. So sometimes we fight it, try and keep things the same. Things can’t stay the same though. At some point, you just have to let go. Move on. Because no matter how painful it is, it’s the only way we grow.

You don’t know, All.

You know that life’s been teaching you many things. Who says past will be past? People always have a choice to make their past their present, maybe their future. Past is incosistently not changing us. They threatened us. They drag us into a hole. A small hole but it’s possibly break your neck.

Who says past will be past? You could do what you did in your past all over again. People is lacking Zen. When i said past, they just remembered how sick they were, how pathetic the condition was, and how ashamed they would be if ‘they-in-the-past exist’ until just now. But it ain’t true right? Just tell me it ain’t true. Past is not about the bad thing. How about the good things behind? Should we leave it, change our self, and torturing ourselves by saying “that’s how it works, that’s how world rules”, we keep saying that like stupid donkey? I just don’t get it.

If you are living in your past, it’s ok. Don’t mind what people’s been saying. Because sayings will be sayings when doings affect others better. Just stop blame yourself, stop blame others, just keep going, just keep doing, just keep thinking, until you know someone/something is worth-all-the-pain. Someone is worth-all-your-stupidity. Someone is worth-you.

Don’t pust yourself too hard to make people know you exist. They know. They just keep their mouth shut, they just push your button, they push the mute button, until you do something good. So stop pretending doing like they want. And stop thinking like you free as bird. You just keep quiet and please you have to choose but you don’t have to choose between two. Just make your own choices. Just say that you’re here. You’re there. You’re everywhere.

Thank you, the-other-me. 

The human body is made up of systems that keep it alive. The one that keeps you breathing, the one that keeps you standing, the one that makes you hungry, and the one that makes you happy. They’re all connected, take a piece out and everything else falls apart. And it’s only when our support systems look like they might fail us that you realize how much we depended on them all along.